Thursday, October 29, 2009

Three guys

Three guys are in a bar on the top of a cliff. The first guy says to the other guys

"You know, if had just one more beer, I think I could fly." The second guy says

"No Way!" So the first guy orders a beer and drinks it.

Then all three guys walk out to the edge of the cliff. The first guy jumps off,

starts falling to the ground, and then flies back to the top of the cliff.

The second guy is totally amazed, so he says "You know, if I had another beer,

I bet I could do that too." So all three guys go into the bar, and the second guy

has another beer.

After he finished, he said "Ok, I will be able to fly now" So they all went

outside and the second guy jumped off of the cliff and feel to the bottom,

where he hit the ground and died instantly.

The third guy turned to thefirst guy and said "You know Superman, you

are a real jerk when you drink"

Loan Officer

On his way to JFK to fly to Zurich, a businessman stopped off at a bank in
downtown NYC and asked for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer
squinted, needing collateral. "Here, take the keys to my Rolls," the man
offered. The loan was promptly issued, and the car was secured in the
bank's underground parking area for safekeeping.

Two weeks later, the man returned to settle up his loan and reclaim his
Rolls. "That will be $5,000 in principal plus $15.40 in interest," the
loan officer reported. The man wrote out a check and started to walk

"Please, sir," the loan officer interjected, "while you were gone, I found
out that you are a multimillionaire. Why in the world would you need to
borrow $5,000?"
The man smiled. "Where else in Manhattan could I find secured parking for
two weeks for only $15.40?"

How can i repay ?

So, a guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company There's plenty of

food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he's doing alright--but after a few months he gets

"lonely", if you know what I mean, nudge nudge wink wink.

The pig starts to look more and more attractive--soft, pink flesh, round buttocks, etc. But every time

this poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarls at him and once almost bit his

leg. very frustrating.

One day the guy sees a speck on the horizon, so he swims out there and it turns out to be a dinghy,

cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a beautiful woman, unconscious. He drags her to shore

and brings her into his hut and slowly nurses her back to health. Finally she is well enough to walk

and she says to him "Thank you, thank you for saving my life. I don't know how I can ever repay

you. I'll do anything for you, anything, just name it."

The guy thinks for a minute and says "Would you mind taking my dog for a walk?".

A lawyer

A lawyer, a priest and a teacher were at a funeral of a tribal chief. Before closing the coffin lid, the widow requested an offering of $100 from each to be laid in the casket, as the tradition demands.

The priest & the teacher both reluctantly laid their $100. The lawyer then wrote out a check for $300, deposited it in the coffin and collected the $200 cash.


Snow white and the Seven Dwarfs are roaming in the forest when

they come across a lake. The water was enticing and Snow-white decides

to take a bath. So she tells the Dwarfs to turn around while she is

Preparing to take the bath. Dwarfs protest vehemently and then

Snow white relents and says that when i get into the water and u

hear the splash, u can turn around.

Snow white undresses and as she is about to jump into water, at that very

moment she is startled by a frog who jumps into water before she can.

The moment the dwarfs hear the SPLASH, the Dwarfs turn around and see Snow white standing NAKED.

Now if this incident is a sequel to an ad, what product is being advertised?

Page down for answer NOW.


"It's dark in here, isn't it?"

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over,

she puts her nine-year-old son in the closet. One day the woman hears

a car in the drive way and puts her lover in the closet, as well.

Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?

"Yes it is," the man replies.

"You want to buy a baseball?" the little boy asks. "No thanks," the man


"I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist

continues. "OK. How much?" the man replies after considering the

position he is in. "Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies.

"TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats incredulously, but complies to

protect his hidden position.

The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she

hears a car in the drive way and, again, places her lover in the closet

with her little boy. "It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts


"Yes it is," replies the man.

"Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks.

"OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his

disadvantage. "Fifty dollars," the boy replies and the transaction is


The next weekend, the little boy's father says "Hey, son. Go get your

ball and glove and we'll play some catch."

"I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy.

"How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear

the profit in terms of lizards and candy.

"Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says.

"SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the

church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness,"

the father explains as he hauls the child away.

At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the

curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?"

"Don't you start that shit in here now," the priest says.


Man who farts in church sits in own pew.

Boy who go to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in hand.

Squirrel who runs up women’s leg not find nut.

Seven days on Honeymoon make one hole weak.

Man who have hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Woman who go to man's apartment for snack gets Tit bit.

Man and Mouse alike, both end up in Pussy.

Virginity like balloon, one prick and it is all gone.