Thursday, October 29, 2009

Three guys

Three guys are in a bar on the top of a cliff. The first guy says to the other guys

"You know, if had just one more beer, I think I could fly." The second guy says

"No Way!" So the first guy orders a beer and drinks it.

Then all three guys walk out to the edge of the cliff. The first guy jumps off,

starts falling to the ground, and then flies back to the top of the cliff.

The second guy is totally amazed, so he says "You know, if I had another beer,

I bet I could do that too." So all three guys go into the bar, and the second guy

has another beer.

After he finished, he said "Ok, I will be able to fly now" So they all went

outside and the second guy jumped off of the cliff and feel to the bottom,

where he hit the ground and died instantly.

The third guy turned to thefirst guy and said "You know Superman, you

are a real jerk when you drink"

Loan Officer

On his way to JFK to fly to Zurich, a businessman stopped off at a bank in
downtown NYC and asked for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer
squinted, needing collateral. "Here, take the keys to my Rolls," the man
offered. The loan was promptly issued, and the car was secured in the
bank's underground parking area for safekeeping.

Two weeks later, the man returned to settle up his loan and reclaim his
Rolls. "That will be $5,000 in principal plus $15.40 in interest," the
loan officer reported. The man wrote out a check and started to walk
away.

"Please, sir," the loan officer interjected, "while you were gone, I found
out that you are a multimillionaire. Why in the world would you need to
borrow $5,000?"
The man smiled. "Where else in Manhattan could I find secured parking for
two weeks for only $15.40?"

How can i repay ?

So, a guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company There's plenty of

food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he's doing alright--but after a few months he gets

"lonely", if you know what I mean, nudge nudge wink wink.

The pig starts to look more and more attractive--soft, pink flesh, round buttocks, etc. But every time

this poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarls at him and once almost bit his

leg. very frustrating.

One day the guy sees a speck on the horizon, so he swims out there and it turns out to be a dinghy,

cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a beautiful woman, unconscious. He drags her to shore

and brings her into his hut and slowly nurses her back to health. Finally she is well enough to walk

and she says to him "Thank you, thank you for saving my life. I don't know how I can ever repay

you. I'll do anything for you, anything, just name it."

The guy thinks for a minute and says "Would you mind taking my dog for a walk?".

A lawyer

A lawyer, a priest and a teacher were at a funeral of a tribal chief. Before closing the coffin lid, the widow requested an offering of $100 from each to be laid in the casket, as the tradition demands.

The priest & the teacher both reluctantly laid their $100. The lawyer then wrote out a check for $300, deposited it in the coffin and collected the $200 cash.

WHAT AD ?

Snow white and the Seven Dwarfs are roaming in the forest when

they come across a lake. The water was enticing and Snow-white decides

to take a bath. So she tells the Dwarfs to turn around while she is

Preparing to take the bath. Dwarfs protest vehemently and then

Snow white relents and says that when i get into the water and u

hear the splash, u can turn around.

Snow white undresses and as she is about to jump into water, at that very

moment she is startled by a frog who jumps into water before she can.

The moment the dwarfs hear the SPLASH, the Dwarfs turn around and see Snow white standing NAKED.

Now if this incident is a sequel to an ad, what product is being advertised?

Page down for answer NOW.

SEVEN UP

"It's dark in here, isn't it?"

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over,

she puts her nine-year-old son in the closet. One day the woman hears

a car in the drive way and puts her lover in the closet, as well.

Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?

"Yes it is," the man replies.

"You want to buy a baseball?" the little boy asks. "No thanks," the man

replies.

"I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist

continues. "OK. How much?" the man replies after considering the

position he is in. "Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies.

"TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats incredulously, but complies to

protect his hidden position.

The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she

hears a car in the drive way and, again, places her lover in the closet

with her little boy. "It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts

off.

"Yes it is," replies the man.

"Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks.

"OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his

disadvantage. "Fifty dollars," the boy replies and the transaction is

completed.

The next weekend, the little boy's father says "Hey, son. Go get your

ball and glove and we'll play some catch."

"I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy.

"How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear

the profit in terms of lizards and candy.

"Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says.

"SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the

church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness,"

the father explains as he hauls the child away.

At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the

curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?"

"Don't you start that shit in here now," the priest says.

THINK ABOUT …….

Man who farts in church sits in own pew.

Boy who go to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in hand.

Squirrel who runs up women’s leg not find nut.

Seven days on Honeymoon make one hole weak.

Man who have hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Woman who go to man's apartment for snack gets Tit bit.

Man and Mouse alike, both end up in Pussy.

Virginity like balloon, one prick and it is all gone.

200 Bucks

Elton goes to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers the door.

"Hi, is Gilbert home?"

"No he went to the store."

"Well, do you mind if I wait?"

"No come in."

They sit down and Elton says, "You know Nora, you have the greatest breasts

I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one".

Nora thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell - it’s a

Hundred bucks, after all! She opens her robe and shows him one.

He promptly thanks her and throws a 100 bucks on the table. They sit there

a while longer and Elton says "They're so beautiful I got to see the both of

them. I'll give you another 100 bucks if I could just see both of them

Together."

Again, Nora thinks about this, then decides what the hell and opens her robe

to give Elton a nice long look. Elton thanks her and throws another 100

Bucks on the table, and then says he can't wait any longer for Gilbert and leaves.

Awhile later Gilbert arrives home and his wife says, "You know you’re weird

friend Elton came over." Gilbert says, "Great! Did he drop off the 200

Bucks he owes me?"

HEMAS PRODUCTS

Marketing guy - Which soap do you use?
Girl - Hama’s
Marketing guy - Which hand wash do you use?
Girl - Hama’s
Marketing guy - Which deodorant do you use?
Girl - Hama’s
Marketing guy - Which toothpaste do you use?
Girl - Hama’s
Marketing guy -Which shampoo do you use?
Girl - Hama’s
Marketing guy - Which washing powder do you use?
Girl - Hama’s
Marketing guy - Okay, Okay , tell me, What is this Hama’s ? You think it's an international company???
Girl - No, she is my room mate.

PIZZA

Satharji is a man who works in a construction company.
Once when they were constructing a building, at lunch time when they all sat together to have their lunch in the fifth floor.

one man said that he likes bread & if his wife haven’t given bread he would jump & suicide, when he opened the lunch box it was not bread he jumped from the building.

then another said that he likes parata & if it is not there he would die, it was not there & he jumped. Another said he likes rice & if it is not there he would die, & it wasn’t there he jumped.

then Satharji said that he likes pizzas & if it is not there he would die, when he opened the lunch box some sandwiches were there then he jumped from the building.

that evening everybody’s wives came & were crying but Satharjis wife didn’t cry. Then everybody asked her " Why aren’t you crying?"

"Why should I cry for this stupid man? today I didn’t make lunch for him.....he made it by himself ..........& he forgot what he likes & what he made"

EARTH SHAPE ?

Teacher: What shape is the earth?
Student: I don’t know.
Teacher: Well, what kind of earrings does your girlfriend wear?
Student: Square ones.
Teacher: No, I mean the ones she wears on Sunday.
Student: Round. Teacher: Then, what shape is the earth?
Student: Square on weekdays and round on Sundays.

MICROWAVE TV

Once Satharji was walking on the street & when he came to an electronic shop he went in & asked the keeper "How much is that T.V?" pointing at something.

"We don't sell things for Satharjis" replied the keeper

Then after some times he came with changing his clothes & appearance & asked again "How much is that T.V?" pointing at the same thing

"We don't sell things to Satharjis" replied the keeper.

Then again he came with changing his appearance & clothing's & asked again "How much is that T.V?"

"Sorry, I said you that we don't sell things to Satharjis"

Satharji got angry removed his wig & clothes & asked "How the hell do you know that I'm a Satharji?"

"Because Satharjis are stupid" replied the keeper

"Why?" asked the Satharji

"You were pointing at a microwave & asking me how much is that T.V"

MATCHING

once nathashas mother was invited to a party and she wanted to wear the prettiest dress in town. And the prettiest dress was yellow nathashas mom came home and showed her the dress and the jewelry and hair clips .nathasha noticed that everything was yellow and she told her mom "mom everything is yellow and the party is after a week right?"
"ya" said her mom
"well then don’t brush your teeth for a week"
"why" asked her mom
"look! Everything is yellow and they match and if u don’t brush ur teeth will turn yellow and it will match "she replied. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

GREAT FATHER

Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gate's daughter."
Son: "Well, in that case...ok"

Next Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gate's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case...ok"